Christmas

I always thought people were just being dramatic when they said that the holidays are hard. Why would the fact that it’s Christmas make any difference so long as you still have plans? Apparently it actually does make a difference. Every year for as long as I can remember Jess and I would talk after we each celebrated Christmas and would recount what we got and then complain about it or wish that we had gotten something else. It sounds really bratty and and ungrateful amd to a certain extent it is, but it was our tradition. It was our way of being disappointed when we found out that our parents really weren’t listening when we asked for things and just got what they wanted for themselves. Or when a sister only hears what she wants to hear and gets something you didn’t want that was too expensive that you now have to be grateful for but really you wantes something much cheaper that would have meant more. We could complain without fear of being judged or being remided about how much worse people have it and how lucky we are. We knew that and it was okay. It was also a way to be actually thankful and aware of what we got. Since we were listing everything we would know and appreciate that it exists and that someone put time and effort into getting it for us. This year, while I appreciate it all and have only minor complaints I didn’t have someone to check in with and realized I wasn’t quite as aware as I have been in the past. It’s a different way to have to think about things and I really miss having that time built in for the ritual that sounds like brattiness but is actually causing gratitude.